If I was to ask, "What are the benefits of reading to your child," you would probably be able to reel off lots of benefits. However, when it comes to music and movement, the answers tend to stall! This can hide some amazing developmental benefits that don't always think about. As a parent myself, I have always used music and movement at home. How? Well, its quite simple really! I have always sung to my daughter (unfortunately for her I don't sound like Adele, more like a cat!). We also "move around" - we dance, created shapes with our bodies, act out scenes from cartoons, books, movies and above all had fun!
I work with many Dads on a daily basis through my Music and Movement sessions. We often talk about how they can use what we have done at home to continue to supporting their child's development. It also helps us bond, and creates time to have fun together!
"I'm not singing!!" This is something I hear by BOTH mums and dads at times. Or, "I don't know that one" (song/nursery rhyme). However, it doesn't have to be anything spectacular! Why not put on a favourite song and sing along? If you need some musical inspiration the Dadvengers Spotify Playlists are full of great songs. The Disney List is a great one to sing with kids!
Singing can be fun, energetic, relaxing, calming and of course lets not forget it can also help with bed time routines. Soothing songs and cuddles can often help our little ones to relax and feel safe. This is a great opportunity for Dads to bond with their children. Especially if it is Dad who goes to work mainly of a day time.
Singing when doing every day tasks, gives the task a little bit more excitement and it also helps develop routines. When my daughter was small I used to sing the "lets go and brush our teeth song."
This musical masterpiece went "lets go and brush our teeth, lets go and brush our teeth, to make them shiny" (sang to the tune of "lets go fly a kite" from Mary Poppins). This song REALLY helped me get through some tough mornings! Those mornings when it would have been a firm "NO" from my sweet child! She started to recognise the song as time to brush her teeth and it took away any frustration with it. It created a fun, positive atmosphere, she learned the song through repetition and it distracted her from not wanting to brush her teeth.
I mentioned this approach to one of the dads in my groups and he decided to make a song for him and his daughter to sing when they drop off mummy at work. This had previously been a heart wrenching experience for the child. But with the new song, it became fun and exciting as they could sing and laugh together when they were dropping mummy off.
Dancing, Jumping, walking, hopping, waving, clapping... the movement list is never ending!!
What I have found, is that we can often misjudge the importance of simple activities and the benefits they have. We often think we need to do some massive grand gesture when it comes to movement. Buy loads of interesting toys and instruments, when in fact a pair of socks to wave in the air is a great thing for kids. Some dads feel that mums seem to know how to create "All Singing and Dancing" routines (in literal terms too). In reality, we don't! And we can feel silly and self-conscious as much as men. But, when you see the joy on your little one's face you can get swept up in the fun they're experiencing. Try to put aside how you feel, and focus on them... it might help!
One great way to encourage movement is to move around like animals. You can stretch your arms high like giraffe, prowl gracefully on all fours like a cat or move very quickly like a leopard. By adding animal sounds you are not only teaching them the sound that the animal makes, you are also expanding their vocabulary and setting building blocks that will help them with their speech in the future.
If you decide to move to music, depending on your choice of tune, music and movement can be energetic exercise or an opportunity to create a nice bonding session for you both. Either way your child will be developing their motor skills, developing body and spatial awareness and also their vocabulary skills.
Why not have a little dance together? Simple games like "Musical Statues" encourage your child to listen and enhance their listening and turn taking skills. Or if your child is a bit older, ask them to listen for a word and give that word an action. For example, "jump every tome the word 'love' is said".
If it is a slower song, you can use this to create a calm, relaxing feeling. Maybe use this opportunity to move around like "slow snails" or even have a cuddle and a slower dance.
We have all heard baby/toddler sessions being referred to as "Mother and Baby groups". The truth is, after running Music and Movement sessions for more than 4 years now, I have found that lots of dads want to bring their children along to groups, but often they can't due to work commitments. Or, as said by one Dad, "I used to get nervous in case the baby started to cry and I had all the mums looking at me". Fewer groups are referring to themselves as "Mother and Baby groups" now. There is a greater understanding that society has changed and it is not just the mums who want to take their children to these groups. Plus there are more and more dad specific baby/toddler sessions popping up.
Music and Movement groups/toddler groups are a great way for dads to bond with their children. You will often find these sessions full of sensory props, instruments and other colouful eye catching things that you may not have at home. Because of that, it adds more entertainment and excitement to the group for your child.
Music and Movement groups can help with the development of social skills - a really important skill children need as they grow. They help children to participate in group work (eg working together using a parachute) and help grow confidence. Dads will get the opportunity to join in with songs and activities. And because there is usually a "leader" of the group, there is structure. This allows everyone to feel like they know what they are doing- taking the pressure away from parents and giving some inspiration for games at home.
For smaller babies, these groups are a great way for Dads to bond with their babies as they often focus on a lot of 1-1 time, listening to slow calm music and really creating a relaxing nurturing environment.
Overall, Music and Movement is a great way for Dads to be able to create a special bond with their children. As well as enhancing some of the key development points like social skills, speech and coordination. It is a fantastic way for Dads to build a unique, healthy bond with their children. For the Dads they are teaching their children skills and qualities to last a life time. For the children, they are learning and developing without really knowing... all while having fun... with Dad.
If you enjoyed this post and want more ideas of things to do with your kids, we have great blogs on Why It's Important for Dads to Play With Their Kids More, the importance of Outdoor Play, and a great Dad Chats Live with lots of Great Ideas For Indoor Play. You should definitely check them out!
Dad chats live: This week we talked about baby loss, grief and it’s affect on our mental health, with special guest Gary Anderson (@gary_secure_mind_solutions ). This is another subject that is so important to talk about, and we couldn't have done it without our special guest.
Gary talked openly about discovering his twin daughters had Twin To Twin Syndrome - a serious condition that can cause life threatening illness in unborn twins. He told us about their birth, and travelling 60 miles away from his wife with one of his twin daughters, Alana, to another hospital. Sadly Alana didn't survive. But there was no time to grieve, as they had another baby, Dana, to be strong for. When their second baby lost her life, Gary buried his grief.
He told us how he pushed his grief down for 14 years, not talking about it, taking risky jobs and not caring about putting his life in danger. Although this is a sad and difficult subject, Gary's story is also inspirational. Gary is still here today because he got some help and started talking about his daughters. This really is another unmissable chat.
Gary has also written a blog about his experience. There are more than 5000 deaths of babies and infants a year. in the UK, this is a subject that needs to be talked about.
Click here to read the blog post A Fathers Grief The Impact of Baby Loss.
Gary has also written a book about his daughters and his experience of loss and grief. The book is called Daddy and the Two Bears, and can be found here.
Dad Chats Live - as pride month comes to an end, we are joined by Kate from @lesbemums. We focused solely on the conversations this important month creates with our children.
We chatted about how to talk to our children about sexual identity and gender - and when the best time is to start that conversation. Then talked about how to create an environment that makes our children feel happy to share with us. And the best books, films and TV shows that teach our children about the LGBTQ+ community.
Kate shared some great tips into how her and her wife talk to their children about gender and sexual identity - and how different these conversations are to how it was talked about when she was a child. We talk about coming out - and why one day we hope that won't be something anyone feels they have to do.
1. How and when did you talk to your children about sexual identity and gender?
2. How can we, as parents, best support our children to feel empowered and confident to share their gender and/or sexual identity?
3. For our lighthearted topic, we want to know your favourite materials that teach children about the LGBTQ+ community (books, films, tv shows or anything else!)
If you want to hear more about parenting in the LGBTQ+ community, we have two great podcast episodes. One from Jamie Beaglehole (DaddyandDad) and one from Stu Oakley (@Somefamiliespod). Both of these episodes delve into life as LGBTQ+ parents, from two dads who are fantastic advocates in their community.
Dad Chats Live - Talking about Coping with Anxiety with Saleema Davies.
Saleema is a clinical hypnotherapist and founder of Papalona. A company that creates audio recordings to support children and parents’ mental health easily and effectively. We talk about the impact of anxiety on our lives, and how to cope with it. She shares some brilliant tips like:
Use Your Body - using breathing exercises to slow the breath and signal to our minds that the threat has passed, and moving to burn off the excess adrenalin that anxiety produces are simple but effective ways to help manage anxiety.
Acknowledge the Voice - we all have that voice in our minds that tells us what we're doing wrong - Saleema teaches us how coping with anxiety means managing that voice and we loved her advice on this!
In part two, we asked you about whether you are an anxious person, and how much your anxieties affect your every day life.
We also hear stories about a times you were anxious or nervous only to realise after the event there was no need.
Saleema has also written a fantastic blog post with even more information about coping with anxiety.
It's entitled How To Manage Your Anxiety, So That You Can Help Your Kids Manage Theirs. And is a great beginners resource to learn more about the things we can do every day to cope with our anxieties. We suggest you grab a drink, sit back and read Saleema's wisdom!
Huge thanks to Saleema for joining us - welcome to the Dadvenger Community!
Dad Chats Live - This week we talked with Elliott Rae from @mff about their new book DAD. A collection of 20 stories of fatherhood from 20 real dads who are living it every day. It’s a much needed book that will hopefully help to change the narrative for modern day fathers.
Elliott chatted to us about how the DAD book came about - the stories he heard from the different dads, and how he crowdfunded the project after it was turned down. We also talk about Elliott's experience of becoming a father, and how his daughter was unwell after her birth. This led Elliott to suffer PTSD, and he realised there wasn't enough support for dads to talk about their experiences.
Elliott then created MFF - Music, Football, Fatherhood, which started as a blog, and has grown into a support network for dads.
Another week with a brilliant Friday night chat!
This important book is groundbreaking. It is bringing together a group of men to speak openly about their challenges and successes in parenting. But getting it published wasn't easy. Elliott was turned down by different publishing houses. And in the end set about to raise the funds to self publish.
Read more about Elliott and what he had to do to make this book a reality in the post Everything You Need to Know About the ‘DAD’ Book
Plus Elliott also joined us on the Dadvengers Podcast where he talked about growing up in London with his parents who had emigrated from the Caribbean. You'll hear how his how his dad was a strict parent, but he was also fair and supportive! Elliott also opened up about the difficult birth of his daughter and first few months of his daughters life. From being in hospital to a life threatening allergic reaction at just a few months old. All this had a massive impact on Elliott’s parenting journey, and also led to his starting the Music Football Fatherhood.
Earlier this summer, while doing some research into my Dadvengers Initiative, I stumbled across an article. It was about a dad who started a parenting group to stop dads being lonely. Dad La Soul is nearly 2 years old now and is specifically aimed at Dads, Step Dads, Grandads, male carers and their children. The group currently meets once a month in Worthing and also in Hurst Pier Point with a new group starting in Brighton next month. The lovely thing about it is that each month a local dad leads a workshop that the rest of the group take part in. These workshops can be in anything from Dj’ing to Robot building to film making and draw upon skills that local dads have acquired over the years.
So to really find out what the group was like I decided to attend with my daughter and get a feel for what their ethos is. While there I managed to talk to the groups founder Dan Flanagan who is very passionate about helping dads. We spoke about all aspects of the group and how it’s helping combat the lack of support for hands on dads.
When his son was about 3 years old, Dan realised that due to working in the corporate sector he wasn’t spending much time with his family. He’d be up and out early in the morning and back with only minutes left to enjoy with his son. So he decide to leave his job and set up Tot Rockin Beats an intergenerational afternoon rave. This was a great success and out of it was born Dad La Soul. The aim being to help dads remember how to play with their kids. And subsequently, create a network of dads through groups that meet on a regular basis.
I must say it’s refreshing to see dads really getting involved with this group. It highlights how much dads want and need groups like this. Of course there will be people out there who think it’s not for them but Dan challenges those non believers to attend a Dad La soul event. And to be fair, I think they would be pleasantly surprised. On the day I went we did a silent disco beach clean followed by a seaweed tasting festival. All on a beautiful summer’s day at Worthing beach.
To hear more of what Dan had to say and find out what he thinks is the hardest part about being a dad in 2019, check out the video below:-
I think dads groups are a great idea and there is definitely a need for more of them. Which is why I’m going to look into starting a Dadvengers one in London over the next few months. As well as that, I’m also going to dedicate a page on my website to promoting dads groups that have been established all over the UK. So if you know of one please get in touch or leave a comment in the section below.
It’s important that we hear from those of you out there living it. Are you a dad that attends a dads group? If so what’s it like? Can you recommend a good dads group in the UK? Would a dads group appeal to you?
Please leave your comments in the section below and share this post with other parents, the more the merrier. And remember, mums you are an integral part of this. We can’t improve things for dads and help make changes without you. So please, please, help even if it’s just sharing a post or making a suggestion.
Look forward to hearing from you
N
