World Mental Health Day, is something we want to support here at Dadvengers. And this year we decided to have a Dad Chats Special all about mental health.
Last night @nigelclarketv spoke to counsellor and psychotherapist Jonathan Goldsmith from @be_more_you_therapy about the importance of talking about our mental health. We talked about how we can try to encourage others to look after their mental health, why talking about it is so important, and how to create a safe space for dads to feel ready to talk.
It was an absolutely brilliant chat, huge thanks to Jonathan for joining us - and a huge thanks to all of you in the comments who had some incredible opinions and advice 🙏🏼
We have loads of great resources all about mental health. From blog posts:
To Dad Chats:
And amazing Podcast Episodes with These Great Guests:
Use the links to check them out. Or, use the search function on the website to look for more!
Dad Chats Live - 15th May 2022, discussing men's mental health.
This week we talked about a topic that is really important to us. A big part of what we want to do here at Dadvengers is to improve the conversation and support around men's mental health. What better week to talk about that than Mental Health Awareness week?!
We held an open mic talking all about mental health and delved into the experiences and opinions of our community on this important subject. Thanks so much to @rad_the_dad , @presentfatherhood , @dad_with_a_crazy_family and @adrianm_30 for coming up and being so open and honest about their own experiences and opinions on Mental Health 🙏🏼
We feel passionate about creating a space where we can talk about men's mental health in a safe and supportive way. This chat touched on the unsafe spaces that are out there and how dangerous that can be to someone who is reaching out. If you are looking for mental health support, make sure you're finding it in the right places - you can find some safe places to look for support on our site.
We have a tonne of amazing resources on mental health - here are just a few of them:
Dad Chats On The Subject:
Blog Posts About Mental Health:
Dadvengers Podcast Episodes:
Did you enjoy this chat? Find more of these brilliant Dad Chats here.
Mental health is a subject that has always been close to my heart. Having suffered with my own mental health for a number of years, and watching the people I love experience their own difficulties, it is a topic I will always try to talk about. Today is World Mental Health Day. I want to use this day to share my story. Hopefully, it will help others realise they aren't alone.
I always remember growing up and feeling that there was something wrong with me. As a young child I had been described as naughty. In fact. I later found out that my primary school teachers had nicknamed me "hell on legs". Then throughout the rest of school I tried to blend into the background.
I didn't want to bring attention to that fact that I was petrified of my own mind. And terrified of what I might end up doing. I was an angry child. But I was also very scared. As an adult I can name these emotions, but as a child I couldn't understand what they were. Nor did I know that they were a reaction to trauma in my life. I was so scared of hurting other people with my words or actions that I started hurting myself. I was picking and scratching at my skin from a young age, and started self-harming at 12. It was the only way I could find to cope at that time.
It wasn't until I spoke out and got the help I needed at 19 that I realised I wasn't overreacting or being dramatic. I wasn't a problem child or invisible. I was mentally ill. and reacting to trauma. What I needed was support, not being labelled "hell on legs"!
Over the next 3 years I tried different therapies and medications. To be honest that can be tricky, and is a bit of an experiment for everyone. It took a little while but I finally found a mix that worked for me. I was making progress. I then experienced a relationship breakdown. Moved 6 hours away from family and friends, and ended up finding out I was pregnant. The medication I was on wasn't suitable to take throughout pregnancy, so I stopped taking them. This meant that I had to find a new way to handle the voices that were wedged deep within my brain. But now that I knew I was going to have this little baby relying on me. I couldn't allow myself to fall back into the same routine and patterns.
I found pregnancy a rough old ride. Then the birth was incredibly traumatic. It wasn't until Grayson was around a year old that I finally accepted that his birth had traumatised me and I had probably experienced some form of postnatal depression. However, rather than do anything about it I felt I had to just push on through. I was doing my best for my son and husband, but I didn't get support. I felt like had to make myself get better. To be strong and in my mind at the time this was by ignoring the problem. Now I know that this was wrong.
I think a lot of people can probably agree that growing up our parents were a pillar of strength. They were never ill. Never seemed to take time off unless it was for something that could not be ignored. The only memory I have of my own mum being ill as a child is when she got Pneumonia. So when we become parents ourselves, it feels as though we have to be invincible for our own children.
There in lies the problem, because no one is invincible. I had hoped when I had my son that my mental health issues would magically melt away. Then I could be this perfect parent that was always happy and well. I now know that isn't normal or healthy. Just because I had this new baby in my life, didn't mean the depressive episodes stopped. It didn't mean that constant pit of anxiety in my stomach had gone and it didn't mean that the intrusive thoughts suddenly stopped. I still had a chemical imbalance within my brain.
I was still me, and I still had issues with my mental health. That would not disappear just because I was now someone's mum.
We have all experienced that extreme sense of parental guilt when we snap at our children. You know the ones, where you're short tempered because we've had one of "those days". Or we stick them in front of the telly because we just need some time to ourselves. But in reality, these are not moments that our children are going to remember when they grow up. And we are still entitled to moments of self care as parents. If we want our kids to grow up and feel comfortable enough to be honest with their feelings, then this is a behaviour they need to learn from us.
Showing your emotions is not a sign of weakness. Although it may feel uncomfortable at times, it is something we all need to try to do.
I will have days where you the depression is too overwhelming that I struggle to function, and rather than completely hide it or push through, I tell Grayson that I'm feeling sad and I don't really know why. I reassure him that I'll be okay, but that I just feel a bit sad. He gives me a hug. Tells me it will be okay. That I can talk to him about it. Then goes about his day as any normal 3 year old should. Obviously there is more to it than just feeling sad. But it's about explaining in simpler terms depending on the age of the child.
By doing this small act, Grayson will come to Mark and I when he's feeling sad or angry or any other emotion and tell us. He may not always be able to explain why he feels it, but he is comfortable enough to tell us and we can try to offer him comfort and reassurance. We are normalising difficult emotions so that he doesn't feel scared of his own mind like I did.
There are still times when I can see the anxiety I know all too well showing itself within him. Or the struggle to diffuse the anger that is rising within his chest. I feel like I am looking at a mirror image of myself. The pain that makes me feel can often bring me to tears. But rather than try to ignore how he's feeling or distract from it, I will embrace his feelings. I give him what I needed growing up. I feel by doing this he is still going to be experience negative emotions - because every human does. But hopefully he will have the appropriate tools to handle them as he grows.
When we become parents, we do not become super humans that are incapable of negative feelings and pain. We need to be more kind with ourselves, because we are only human. You can still be a good parent, and battle your mental health.
I am a mum, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend - but I am still Ashleigh. I am still battling my mental health every single day. Regardless of who you are and the titles you hold, you are allowed to struggle.. You are allowed to have issues with your mental health. It is about finding the right coping mechanisms that work for you.
I've accepted the likelihood that I will live with these mental health issues for the rest of my life. I am likely to be in therapy and on and off medication for as long as I need it. However, this doesn't upset me or make me angry. It doesn't make me a failure, or weak. It makes me incredibly strong, because there is no weakness in admitting that you need help.
If you feel that you are struggling, or you don't feel yourself and you haven't in a while, then please find someone to talk to. If you don't feel comfortable talking to a professional start by talking to someone you trust. Failing that, write everything out in an email to yourself or a letter. When you read it back - pretend someone you love has written it and what you would tell them to do. Once you're able to, please reach out to professionals.
But above everything else, please remember to be kind to yourself - because you are strong and you are doing the best you can.
Happy World Mental Health Day.
If you need some help with your own mental well-being, there is so much great support available to you. To find support in your local area visit Hub of Hope, enter your postcode. Or you can contact the Samaritans anytime for mental health support.
Or you can visit Mental Health Foundation - the creators of World Mental Health Day for more great resources.
To mark World Mental Health Day, we had a great mental health open mic night over on the Dad Chats on Friday. We heard from our community about the importance of talking about our mental health. Head over to watch it.
Dad Chats Live: Talking about World Suicide Prevention day.
Mental health is something we are passionate about here at Dadvengers. So it was only right that we talk about World Suicide Prevention day. This is a topic that really hits home for a lot of our community, and we were so grateful to them for joining us for this important chat.
We delved into this emotional topic, and talked about the importance of raising awareness around suicide to break down stigmas. We also talked about how to reach out for help, and the impact losing a loved one to suicide can have on those left behind. The most valuable thing about this chat is the fact that we were joined by people who have had first hand experience of suicidal thoughts, and losing someone to suicide.
Both hours of these chats need to be seen, please also share them with family and friends - it is so important that we keep breaking down the barriers to getting people the support they need - hopefully these chats will help do that.
1. Do you think there is enough awareness and understanding surrounding suicide?
2. Have you had any experience dealing with someone who has had suicidal thoughts? How would you begin to support someone you love that may be suicidal?
3. Laughter can heal many things. So we want to know what’s the funniest parenting moment you’ve had in the last few months?
One of our Dadvengers community has written a blog post on the subject. It's entitled A Letter To a Dad Contemplating Suicide – You Are Loved More Than You Know. and the post delves into the emotional aftermath of losing a dad to suicide and it is written by someone who has experienced it themselves. Please read, let us know what you think, and share the post with the people in your lives.
Dad Chats Live - This week Nigel discussed Men’s Perinatal Mental Health with Mark Williams from @fathers_mentalhealth
Mark is a well known figure in the UK when it comes to mental health and men. He is the founder of Fathers Reaching Out – an organization with a mission to prevent, treat and spread awareness about fathers’ mental health. Mark is also the founder of International Fathers’ Mental Health Day and has been awarded Inspirational Father of the Year in 2012 and Local Hero at the Pride of Britain Awards. Above all though mark has suffered Perinatal mental health and come through the other side and dedicates his life to helping others get through this traumatic condition. His story is an inspiring and informative one.
A huge thank you to him for bringing his time and knowledge to our Dadvengers community.
Mark has written a wonderful blog post to accompany this chat. As in the chat it covers his own personal experience with the illness and what he has learnt along the way including ;-
If you’d like to read the full article please click on the link. And do feel free to feedback your thoughts on this or any of our posts in the comment sections at the bottom of each page.
Mark also has 2 books that he has published on the subject. Daddy Blues and Fathers and Perinatal Mental Health: A Guide for Recognition, Treatment and Management. Both are great resources for people suffering from this mental health illness
Dad Chats Live - Postpartum Psychosis. This week we talked about Postpartum Psychosis with Simon O'Mara from @actiononpp. And what a fantastic an insightful session it was. Make sure you check out the videos below.
Firstly we learnt that the condition is often misunderstood and many people have heard nothing about. It is also not to be confused with postnatal depression or baby blues, Postpartum Psychosis is a medical emergency that needs swift professional treatment. Listening to Simon tell the story of his wife's case and how it affected him is eye opening and resonated with other sufferers too. Thank you to Simon for sharing your own personal experiences, we're sure they will help others in the future. We were also joined by Ruth and Lacey in the second hour who shared their experience with us - so a huge thank you to them for speaking so openly too.
Simon has written a wonderful blog post to accompany this chat called Everything You Need To Know About Postpartum Psychosis As a Father and it covers the following;-
Not only that, it also touches upon a few of the symptoms to look out for such as:-
And do feel free to feedback your thoughts on this or any of our posts in the comment sections at the bottom of each page.
