Dadvengers Podcast Episode 37 – Olugbenga Adelekan
It’s the Dadvengers Podcast episode 37 – Olugbenga and Bethan Adelekan!
This week’s guest is a music producer and musician, who performs as a solo artist and as the bass player of the Mercury Music Prize Award-nominated band Metronomy. In 2021, his son underwent surgery for a brain tumour, and last year, they worked with some world renowned musicians to record a song, which they released to raise money for Brainstrust and the Brain Tumour Charity. We’re excited to welcome Olugbenga Adelekan to the podcast!
As a musician, Olugbenga does a lot of travelling! Despite this he was ready for parenthood, and his wife understood his work is an important part of his life, which he needed to continue when he became a dad. But that doesn’t mean it has all been easy…!
He was enjoying parenthood, and balancing that with his career, when life took a turn. His son, Ravi, was seven when he started to show some signs of hearing loss and facial weakness. Ravi saw a doctor who thought everything was OK. But soon after being referred to an ENT specialist they discovered that Ravi had a brain tumour. The tumour was benign, but the surgery to remove it has left Ravi with lasting symptoms. Olugbenga found this time hard, but he struggled to express his emotions.
That is where Olugbenga’s wife, Bethan, steps in! We also hear from Bethan and how she and Olugbenga navigated Ravi’s diagnosis and recovery together. She also tells us why family therapy is an important step in their lives. And how Olugbenga showing his emotions helps their son.
This chat is one you don’t want to miss – hearing from both sides of the relationship is fascinating! Thanks to Gbenga and Bethan for joining us 💙
Episode Time Stamps
2:24 – “My wife understands the industry… choosing to be in a relationship with a musician she knew this moment would come”
– Olugbenga on being a musician and becoming a father.
06:58 – “They are old enough to come out to some of the shows now and see what I do… they see some of it is actually pretty boring!”
– How Olugbenga shares his work with his family!
11:05 – “It is difficult at the moment to get him to see that his sister is 4 and he is 7 so we can’t parent them in the same way”
– How parenting two children of different ages has it’s challenges!
13:41 – “The day of the MRI that evening I got a phone call from the consultant… The scan showed a growth, they said you need to take him to the hospital immediately.”
– Finding out Ravi had a brain tumour.
17:48 – “It isn’t necessarily rational but we felt we should have noticed something serious was up sooner.”
– How the feelings of guilt have affected Olugbenga.
20:21 – “One of the things they did say was “you need to be strong for your family”… They’re still very old school!”
– Olugbenga’s family reactions to his son’s tumour.
23:19 – “As I got older, I learnt to not act out so much. The way that manifests itself is not showing my emotions so much.”
– How Olugbenga’s childhood taught him to hold in his emotions.
26:50 – “We’ve been open with him about the aspects of his care that we found angering and frustrating. We come out and talk about it.”
– How Olugbenga supports Ravi with his feelings around his tumour.
29:42 – “Knowing that his tumour is going to affect the rest of his life… there’s been a grieving for what we thought his future was going to look like before.”
– The feelings of grief that come with having a child with a serious illness.
24:04 – “We have just started family therapy with Ravi…”
– How Olugbenga and his wife are supporting Ravi with his feelings around the tumour and the changes in his life.
34:04 – “Bethan and I have dealt with this in different ways… she is more emotionally expressive”
– The differences between Olugbenga and his wife!
40:30 – “We have just hit past £70,000. The goal is to raise a quarter of a million pounds. The charity’s we’re raising money for really helped us”
– Olugbenga tells us about Ravi’s brilliant charity single.
44:03 – “There’s a dad who has really supported us… It would be great for other people to know it is there too.”
– Why raising awareness of these charities is so important to Olugbenga.
45:31 – Olugbenga’s Dad Superpower… in fact, he picks two!!
47:48 – We’re joined by Bethan, Olugbenga’s wife, who shares her side of their story!
51:31 – “How can he express that to Ravi, that is what Ravi needs… it is also what Olugbenga needs”
– Why family therapy is so important for them all.
Also on Dadvengers…
If you enjoyed this episode of the Dadvengers Podcast don’t forget to check out some of the others. We have dads from all sorts of backgrounds and industries talking about their journey’s through fatherhood. And more are being added all the time.
Whether you are male, female, and parent or a parenting professional there’s lots to be learned by listening to men tell their stories. We also have a comments box below if you’d like to leave your thoughts.
Why we must talk to children about #BlackLivesMatter On the 25th of May 2020 George Floyd was killed by a police officer in broad daylight. Another senseless murder of a…
There’s a new book on the block. And this one is for the dads. It’s not the run of the mill ‘expectant dad’ book that spells out the basics of…
Another awesome guest that will hopefully inspire others to keep on learning as we parent. There is no one size fits all formula to being a dad we all have to adapt to whatever life throws at us.
If you want to hear more Dadvengers Podcast episodes the easiest way is to subscribe via your usual podcast provider. In addition you can always check back here on the website where all episodes are listed on the Podcast page.