Dads and Baby Groups
Often when talking about hands-on dads the conversation naturally finds its way to dads and baby groups. It’s a big topic and after speaking to a few people, there are some things we need to put out there. Hopefully this will help increase numbers and get more of a male presence at groups in the UK.
Do dads go to baby groups?
The short answer is yes they do go to baby groups. However, I don’t think the number reflects how many dads are being hands-on. I’m sure if you compared dads who take their kids to an after school club with the number of hands on dads you’d get a much better correlation. Someone should conduct a survey, I couldn’t find anything online. What we need to do is look at why some dads aren’t making it to their local baby groups (if there are any. Check here to see if there is one near you.). Once we know the reasons, then we can take steps towards making groups more accessible to fathers.
Reasons Dads Don’t Go
It’s not easy going to a baby group for the first time. Like anything new we all have our apprehensions. Below are some of the reasons and… erm… excuses (just being honest lads) that dads give for not attending baby groups. For each reason I will make suggestions for overcoming the problem. But please do add your own thoughts, feelings, experiences and advice in the comments below. I’ll even add some of the more pertinent comments in this section to make sure they are seen.
Logistics/Location
- One reason is timing. There are only 7 days in a week and unless you are a stay at home dad, often you can be working for most of these. Baby groups are often during work hours so there are less opportunities for working dads to attend. Suggestions: This may be very true in certain areas but more and more groups are popping up all the time. Also there are lots of different styles of group now. Looking for sensory groups, musical groups, play gym or baby gym, baby execise, baby yoga may turn up more options.
- Another reason is location. Even if there is a baby group at a time that’s convenient the location might not be. Suggestions: This is experienced by anyone trying to get to baby groups. Sometimes making a little extra effort to get to a group even if it’s only once a month is worth it. You may learn a technique or have a moment that changes interaction with your baby for the better.
Comfort/Awkwardness
- A reason I hear a lot is that they feel uncomfortable being the only man, that they won’t have any male support. Suggestions: Firstly, if you are worried about this try going with mum on the first couple of occasions to settle you in. This can be your baby’s mother or your mum whichever makes you feel better!!!? 😉 Secondly, this was definitely the way it was years ago but things are changing. You might be surprised to find 1 or 2 dads already in attendance at your local group. With your help I’m going to set up a post to catalogue groups in the UK that regularly have more than 1 dad in attendance.
- A few men are concerned that women will question their reason for being there. Or that mums will think the reasons they are attending are inappropriate. Suggestions: This is a tough one and best answered by a female attending baby groups but unless someone has voiced this to a dad at a group I don’t think dads should be second guessing what people think your reasons are for attending a group. Mums this is a good point to highlight how beneficial making a dad feel welcome at a baby group could be on a larger scale.
Peer Pressure
- It’s not a manly thing to do, my mates would take the Mickey if I went. Suggestions: Even though this kind of peer pressure may come from your friends or even family you must try and rise above it even though it can be tough sometimes. Criticising a man for wanting to co-parent, wanting to bond with his child, and wanting to help their development is not something to be laughed at. The quicker some men realise this the better off our kids will be. Thankfully you hear fewer stories like this and the younger generations are changing for the better.
- I wouldn’t know what to do at a Baby Group. What’s a baby group? Suggestions: Baby groups become a lot less daunting once you’ve actually been to one or seen one. I actually host one called ‘The Baby Club‘. It’s aimed at parents that can’t make it to their local group or wouldn’t normally go to a group for whatever reason. We want to show people what they are about and encourage them to visit ones in their area. Maybe watch an episode on Cbeebies or on the BBC iPlayer.
Reasons Dads Should Go
There are many reasons dads should go to baby groups and I have outlined some of the main reasons in the ‘Why Go To Baby Clubs’ post. In the mean time if you would like to see how activities performed in ‘The Baby Club’ can help your baby, head on over to my Baby Club Diaries. You’ll be surprised how everyday play with your little one can help development. Finally if you would like to try out a Dad and Baby Group near you, Check out our definitive list of Dad Groups in the UK.
What have you encountered? Write your thoughts, experiences, and questions.
It’s important that we hear from those of you out there living it. Have you avoided baby groups as a dad? Do you regularly go to baby groups as a dad? Have you had a good/bad experience as a dad at baby groups?
Please leave your comments in the section below and share this post with other parents, the more the merrier. And remember, mums you are an integral part of this. We can’t improve things for dads and help make changes without you. So please, please, help if it’s just sharing a post or making a suggestion.
Look forward to hearing from you
N
we had a couple of gents come to Eva’s baby group and they were just part of the furniture. my hubby hates making small talk with others and works in the week but when I went away he still took eva, he just concentrated on playing with her.
I think my husband would have taken our little one to baby groups if he could but he worked most days. When i went, it was mostly mums at groups but i did see one or two dads from time to time.
Yes Kirsty, work always proves a difficult factor when it comes to dads attending baby groups. Great that you had dads at you group though
I have been a number of times to my local baby group. Not as much as I would have liked recently due to work commitments but certainly in the first few months as I was fortunate enough to be able to take 1 month as Parental and Annual Leave and additional 2 months as Shared Parental Leave.
A number of times there have been other dads about but to be honest, the interaction was more with my little one than worrying about other parents and certainly on what they thought. Sure there have been more times when I’ve been the only Dad there than not, but its never worried or bothered me. Sone of the staff have been Male quite a few times anyway.
If you are nervous about it, just give it a try as you will get your reward when you see your little one joining in or a smile or two that just makes it worthwhile.
In terms of more recently, I get to a group myself only about once every couple of months personally but we do have Dads only groups once a month with a bacon roll included too! I haven’t yet made one of these as usually we try and do things as a family on weekends when we are all lucky enough to be able to spend time together.
As a little tip, I’ve joined Facebook groups if my local groups/centres just to see timetables and activities. I’d advise doing this so you can see the sorts of things going on. Then when ready and comfy, go for it and attend.
I definitely also advise, if you are nervous, to watch The Baby Club on Cbeebies. It really is fantastic and my little one loves it and often demands to watch it! (We have a number saved on our Sky box for such emergencies!!) 😉
Wes, there are some great points here. Thank you so much!
Great to hear that you have been to baby groups and enjoyed yourself. You make a good point about the reward being the moments you will have with your baby. It reminds me that another plus is the bond that you will create with them.
It’s also good to hear that being the only male didn’t put you off and that you didn’t feel left out.
And finally thanks for the advice. There are many Facebook groups that provide information about activities and groups in your local area. They can be a great resource.
It’s nice to see dad’s so involved in family life and not just go to work and be the breadwinner.
It’s a fantastic idea I really wish my partner and daddy to my youngest Sheriah 6 and Charlie 2 would do more with them sometimes, I’ve tried to get him more interested we went to a baby group but I think he felt a bit silly because he was the only man , encouraging more daddies to join in is fab ??
Sorry he felt silly, I can assure you what he was doing was not silly. Be great if he could try again with Charlie, it would be a great way to bond with is son for a strong relationship later in life.
I have used baby groups but my husband hasn’t as you said they are mainly on during the week and during working hours. I really enjoyed the experience and baby did as well. It was a great time to chat to other mums
Hey Margaret, great that you enjoyed going to baby clubs. Does your husband take you child to groups or activities now?
Obviously it depends on your friends circle and how many other people in that circle have children but even if you don’t feel up to going to baby groups straight away maybe Dads could look at buddying up with a friend on the occasional weekend for a trip to the park with the kids and leave the mums at home for an hour, try to make it a more regular thing and involve others, then they don’t have to have the worry about baby groups.
But on the subject of baby groups get talking about it! Rather than be ashamed or think people won’t say it’s a manly thing tell your friends who have children how great it is and encourage them to come along, it may be that they’ve wanted to attend a group before but worried they will be the only male there but if they know their friend will be there and they have someone as a crutch so to speak it may help them make the first step.
by the way i keep seeing that these dads only clubs offer bacon rolls lol (there was a similar comment on the first Dadvenger post) and I’m feeling very hard done by that at the baby groups I went to I only ever got offered tea and biscuits haha. So there is your unique selling point to attract more people = advertise the bacon!
Some great suggestions for dads here. Getting friends involved whether going to a baby club or for a little trip to the park is an easy way to feel supported and combat the ‘I’m the only one ‘ feeling that some have. Will add some of this to the blog post itself.
Thanks so much Danielle
We went to a few baby groups with our now 5 year old and having a 2month old it would be great to get daddy more involved. But saying that the ones we went to before were very bad and my husband had a terrible experience there was no other males in the room and the breastfeeding groups overlapped into the baby groups meaning he didn’t know where to look and some of the women actually complained about him being there. In the end we gave up as there seemed to be no real equality the group was for men and women and he felt uninvited
Ohhh this is not the kind of story I like to hear. I feel for your husband, it sounds very unfortunate.
Don’t want to speculate on the circumstances but it should never have got to the complaints stage. I hope it hasn’t put your husband off groups forever. There are many other groups where he would have been welcomed with open arms. And as the kids get older these circumstances disappear with other groups and activities.
Katy, can I ask in what area of the UK you live?
It seems to be the norm for round here we live in West Yorkshire near Skipton. We have tried a few groups since but it got worse from here on in. We did speak to our health visitor about it and she said she would put in a complaint for us which just made things worse as they obviously knew it had come from us. I’m not sure we will bother with the baby groups with our 2 month old as we have enough friends with babies he can interact with instead.
My husband takes our son to swimming lessons at the weekend and we also visit parks are activity centers as a family